The Change is Your Decision
excerpt from "A Small Place" pg 4-5
"You disembark from your plane. You go through customs. Since you are a tourist- a North American or European- to be frank, white- and not an Antiguan black returning to Antigua from Europe or North America with cardboard boxes of much needed cheao clothes and food for relatives, you move through customs swiftly, you move through customs with ease. Your bags are not searched. You emerge from customs in the hot, clean air: immediately you feel blessed (which is to say special); you feel free. You see a ma, a taxi driver; you ask him to take you to your destination; he quotes you a price. You immediately think that the price is in the local currency, for you are a tourist and you are familiar with these things (rates of exchange) and you feel even more free, for things seem so cheap, but then your driver ends by saying "In US currency."
"It's been a long day. You are really hungry. Since it's so late- conveince and ease are preferable- really, its needed- you rush to the nearest fast food restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat without thinking about the health aspect or nutritional value, you can't worry about it, you need food right away. This is a nightly occurence. It is rare that you have a healthy, homecooked meal: there are easier options (and nobody makes the effort to cook); fast food it is. You think about it, eating much better, joining a gym to get fit; but the motivation is too low. It's easier to get things on the run and quickly, than to plan out nutritional meals and exercise on your own (too hard to go alone) and all the packaged products are yummy, they taste even better than good food, but then you have to remember in the end "they are bad for you."
We picked the same excerpt! I personally loved the punctuation in the whole "tourist" part of Kincaid's book, and you did a great job at conveying your message while still retaining that same format. I think the message is even more powerful in the way you wrote it as a story. I also really love your topic! Can't wait to see more!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your passage that you chose, and I really thought the contrast between the initial topic Kincaid was talking about and the social issue you chose was interesting. Kincaid's trail of thought fit perfectly with your social issue and sentence imitation. The tone was really good as well. I thought it flowed very nicely, and almost all of the sentences had a great fluency - you weren't just rambling to try and get the sentences to fit into the imitation. Good job :)
ReplyDeletei like your blog. It flowed well, was clear, and descriptive. i like how you gave us an image and a story. You made this very easy to connect to. I loved your point because i agree completely! i felt like your thoughts were organized very well.
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